Thursday, 13 January 2011

The Hidden Truth of Churchmoor Terrace

by B.K. Nijjar.


I'm going to prefix this blog by stating that this is quite simply the funniest book that I have ever read. Ever ever ever. 


It involves a mysterious house...
built on a haunted graveyard...
under which there lies a secret company office...
sitting on top of a hidden ballroom...
which hides the zombie barracks...
that covers the hidden tunnels...
to the mysterious GOLD MINE
and the lair of the pig monster...
with a secret door to a magic land where escaped dwarves live.


I KID YOU NOT. All this in under 200 pages? That's a bargain.


Essentially Cara (the heroine) and Lucia (her friend) are walking home from school when Lucia is blown away in a sudden mysterious tornado.  Cara continues home as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. She later sneaks out to look for her friend who has not reappeared (shocking, I know) and discovers all of the above ^ and that some unnamed evil is TRYING TO SUCK THEIR LIFE SOURCE. Understand? Good.


Interesting plot twists/bits which make me love this book:
1. There are classes of zombie. Some slave away in the gold mine.  Others Waltz around a ballroom in gowns and suits.  Marx would have something to say about that...
2. The elegant Zombies drink blood from a special fountain and sleep upside-down on the ceiling, like Vampires
3. If there is need of a change of location, Cara will invariably knock herself unconscious or fall down a hole, like an uncoordinated Alice from Wonderland
4. Morphey the demon pig makes friends with Cara after nearly eating her, and takes her home to his lair on his back to meet the family.  This would be sweet, except for the fact that he just tried to eat her...
5. The dwarves are bizare, like reject Disney characters, who escaped the mine into this Narnia/Ireland combo land, leading to the resurrection of the Zombies
6. Cara's lovely Dad shows up to save everyone and blow up half the street before everyone goes home for tea...


Except for Lucia, who you may have forgotten, who is now a zombie. Tragic eh?


I don't think it's meant to be a rolling-on-the-floor-laughing comedy, but that was it's effect on me and my friends on discovering several copies in the garage. If you can't source one (which you probably can't) feel free to borrow mine. It'll cheer you up in no time.
5* 

1 comment:

  1. Do you still have a copy if this book? X

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